Am I the only one that thinks ESPN is all about glitz and glamour? Let’s get one thing straight, ESPN is supposed to be a SPORTS media outlet is it not? It’s basically included in the news media as well and yet often times when I watch Sportscenter I wonder if I accidentally changed the channel to Entertainment Tonight. Look, I understand that sports is an entertainment business but where do we draw the line?

I want everyone to understand something. I think women like Jessica Simpson and Jessica Alba are hot, but why are they on my television when I want my sports news and information??? I DON’T GIVE A CRAP IF TONY ROMO IS BANGING HER IN MEXICO! I DON’T GIVE A CRAP IF JESSICA ALBA IS ROOTING FOR THE WARRIOS! AND I SURE AS HELL DON’T GIVE A DAMN “WHO’S #1!!” When sportscetner does this stupid thing when they bring in a celebrity to ask them questions about whether or not they like sports (and by the way they either don’t or pretend to) it severely damages their credibility. The only celebrity worth talking to about sports is Will Ferrell, for one, but the only reason why those stupid celebrities come on the show is to plug whatever crappy new movie they have coming out, shame on the people in charge at ESPN for even allowing that to happen. Yes, I know ESPN is owned by Disney and half the time they’re plugging some Disney based movie, but I don’t care. I watch ESPN for sports coverage and information, not to be jerked around thinking that some hot broad from Hollywood is cool for liking sports.

Another thing that sucks about ESPN is the way they cover stories. I thought I was going to have a heart attack this morning when I saw on the bottom line: BRAEKING NEWS- Tom Brady seen limping around in his back yard without a boot. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? That’s breaking news??? It’s bad enough that we have to spend more than 2 minutes talking about a non-story like Tom Brady walking around in a walking boot because everyone and their mom knows that unless Brady is dead, he will be playing on Superbowl Sunday. 

They beat everything to death every day and they almost come across as a gossip show, instead of keeping it simple and telling the audience the important facts. What’s wrong with Brian Kenny looking into camera 3 and asking John Clayton, “Will Tom Brady’s ankle prevent him from playing in the Superbowl?” and Clayton answering, “No.” What’s wrong with that? Boom, done, end of conversation. Don’t allow the discussion to spill over to this slobber-fest of Tom Brady nailing hot models because we already knew that in the first place and none of us guys need any more reasons to hate Tom Brady.

If you’re a journalist working for ESPN, you should know better too. I hope that if you work there, you either ask your boss why you have to report worthless fodder or at the very least wonder why you have to waste precious network time wondering whether or not Tony dumped Jessica, or if T.O. likes his quarterback, or why Lebron James was going 101 on the highway, ETC ETC ETC, and how many Sportscenter anchors have been in movies now? Like, all of em? I’m not knocking them for being in movies, who wouldn’t want to be in a movie? 

I’m just saying are they working at ESPN because they love sports and they get excited about making other people excited about sports or are they in it to just boost their name recognition and turn themselves into D list celebrities? What happened to the integrity of the news business? Is that a dying art? I never saw anything wrong with just typing up the facts, analyzing situations, and telling the famous puns here and there, but when it becomes oversaturated and the news you’re reporting comes across as the secondary subject, then I start having a problem. If you want to go Hollywood and try to be in movies, buy a ticket to L.A. and wait tables like all the other actors and actresses had to do. Even if you don’t make it, you’ll probably at least end up in the porn industry and who wouldn’t like that?

ESPN does sports half the time and giggles like little school girls about celebrities the other half. Sportscenter has turned into a gossip show and now I’m just wondering when Mary Hart is going to start anchoring. I’m curious to see how bad it’s really going to get when ESPN moves half of their people to L.A. when they open up their new studios next year. I understand we live in a crappy society where people need to worship celebrities to fill some kind of void in their pathetic, meaningless lives but for the love of God I thought ESPN was above that and they haven’t really shown me that they are. 

Keep it simple, stupid. It’s a bottom line business, you win or you lose and all I want to know is what a team needs to do and what adversity they have to overcome to win. By the way, John Anderson if you’re reading this I’m not talking about you. 

The NBA sucks, screw the Pats, F the Jets, go sharks, 

I’m out... Pierre Noujaim